53 funniest Robert Mugabe quotes that will make you laugh

 

1.   Instead of dying carelessly for a Politician during Elections why not tell    your parents to use.
2. Some ladies skipped work on Valentine’s Day to get pregnant for 2 Balloons and a Box of Chocolate … Life is so beautiful in Africa.
3. You can marry or sleep all the ladies that come your way, beautiful women will always be they. You will meet beautiful once daily. Learn to be discipline and have self control my brothers.
4. You just need to pick one beautiful lady and make her your Queen; it saves you money, time, drama and diseases. In addition, there is no medal to be won if you sleep with many. You are only blocking your blessings and preparing your way to early grave my brother.
5. It is better to fall from a sky scrapper and break your leg than to fall in love and break your heart.
6. Being handsome does not mean you are every woman’s type. Some girls love their frogs…
7.       Instead of dying carelessly for a Politician during Elections why not tell    your parents to use
8. Imagine dying in peace, leaving all your unpaid debts behind…
9. Africans we need to stop these games of pretending to raise people from the dead with their mouths open like crocodile mouth.
10. People with dimples think them having Degrees in smiling.
11. Nobody views your status faster than a person you don’t talk to anymore.
12. Our generation puts more energy into discussing good sex than good investment opportunities.
13. The fact that you don’t post on Facebook the way I do doesn’t mean you’re matured than me my friend. You are just managing your 10Mb.
14. Girls nowadays they already know their next boyfriend while they are still in a relationship with you. My brother after God fear women!
15. As Africans we are slowly losing our culture I just saw someone eating Banana and Apple but he was not in hospital.
16. My sister convince him to cut his beard and then update your whatsapp status with “I Love guys with beard”
17. In my country when it rains everything stops working .Internet, satellite, Electricity and even roads. The only thing that works at that time is a guy’s manhood.
18. Stop hiding prostitution “Under I don’t date broke guys”. State your price men are willing to pay.
19. No lady will gives you better sex than a lady who knows your girlfriend but still want to have you.
20. There is a time where a man has to shave his head all the time because of baldness…
21. There is also a time when a woman has to wear a bra all the time because of fallen breast.
22. The pain of having a grandmother who don’t do witchcraft. People take you for granted knowing that you don’t have backup.
23. Imagine taking your girl to church and then the prophet tell her, she will be married to a Doctor soon while you are just a security guard.
24. Every man loves slay queens but the problem is they can’t afford them.
25. Marriage is like a public toilet. Those who are in want to get out. But those who are out want to get in.
26. A man who drives his father’s car is not entitled to speak in a council of men who own bicycles.
27. Science students walk like they have the ingredients of water.
28. The veins in some girls’ hands will make you think they fought their way out of their previous relationships.
29. If you think lawyers are the best liars…. Then you have never met Africa tailors…
30. ”Never lend money to a girl you not dating, let her suffer with her broke boyfriend”
31. So you are dating a Dj and expect him not to cheat? Someone who can mix three songs at the same time…
32. Having sex with your ex is like revising past papers. It’s highly recommended if you want to improve.
33. When your mom finally accepts you’re a whore. She will be like: “Jennifer bring pizza when coming back sweetheart”
34. There are people out there that have never met you but they love you off of your personality and your pictures alone.
35. They can drive you to a party, but will never drive you to a job interview those are your friends.
36. You can’t go around and hurt people and think everything is okay. Some of these people pray….And God will act.
37. Beauty is not automatically achieved by going abroad… you can still be ugly in U.S.A.
38. So you had sex with him because you both had chemistry, when biology occurs, I hope he has the economics to take care of you. Enjoy.
39. Never sit back and think your woman trusts you… My dear brothers these people don’t even trust their faces… thinking it keeps changing…. That’s why they carry a mirror every time…
40. The chances of a lady getting a job in Africa do not depend on her academic qualifications or working experience … they depend on size and shape of her buttocks.‍
41. Imagine chatting with a beautiful girl at a wedding and your Mum comes to tell you “put this Rice in the plastic bag gives to you and say “take this home this is our supper”.
42. Being a baby must be tough, imagine your foot itch, you crying & your mother gives you milk…
43. No matter how far you are going wrong, don’t hesitate to turn back when you realized yourself.
44. The foolishness of God is wiser than the wisely of everyone on earth combine.
45. Many people have been appointed but they don’t yet know the purpose of their appointment. This is why we are still where we are.
46. The generation that will change the world is the generation with the greatest conflict.
47. We are living in a world where the wrong people have been given right places while the right people have been given the wrong places.
48. Mathematics says two negatives equals positive but in real life, two wrongs cannot make a positive change.
49. They are two types of people on earth, those who lead and those who follow.
50.   Those who follow talk about people while those who lead invest in people.
51. Where you go determines who you will meet and who you meet determines who you will be.
52. Only a Black Person will be lost in town but still pretend to know where they’re going.
53. When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don not take a goat as your friend.